I’ve always loved to write. You would be able to tell from the significant number of notebooks in a box in my home, all filled with ideas, poems, stories, and words written at different points in my life. I have always loved to write, but I never felt I was good enough. I’ve tried once or twice to submit to a publication at my university, and they didn’t make the cut. I didn’t write as much after that, thinking that my notions of incompetence were validated. It wasn’t even about being published, it was more about me wanting, and in a way needing, to hear that I was somehow something. This was about two years ago.
At the start of this year I decided I was going to try more. I am going to try harder. If I am not good enough, then I can improve and become good enough. That sounds aggressive, but it’s how I feel. I love to write, I want to be good at it, and I want to keep getting better. Then I decided I would try to put myself out there again. I frequent Thought Catalog and have read a lot of articles from there. After writing something and reading it over several times, I decided that it might be good enough. With a racing heart, I decided to just go for it and submit. 😕
The time after was just me going about my days, deep down worried that I wouldn’t make the cut again and at the same time hopeful that this might be the piece. I got an email a week later saying that they can’t publish my piece, accompanied by some tips and recommendations. My heart was heavy when I read this, but I loved this piece that I wrote. I decided to heed their advice and I submitted directly to one of their writers. 😳
I was more nervous than ever, my head and heart pounding, wishing to be good enough. A few days later, she replied saying that she liked what I wrote, and that it was going to go live. It took all of my self-control not to start jumping and dancing around at work because getting this email filled my heart with so much warmth that I wanted to both laugh and cry at the same time. 😊
It’s timing was kind of perfect too. Just the night before, I was crying to one of my best friends asking if I should keep trying to put myself out there, because I started to feel again that I was never going to be good enough. But I still loved to write. And I still wanted to try despite my feeling discouraged. And my friend told me to just keep going because nothing comes easy and one day you’ll see it’s worth it. 😊
I guess I wrote this because it will always be relevant to me, and perhaps it will be for you as well. When you love something, even if it doesn’t seem to love you back, you have to keep going. You will break down sometimes and want to quit. When that happens just let it, and then compose yourself and get back on the horse. You will get to where you want to be someday, even if that isn’t where you expected you would be. 😊
I’m still writing, still learning, still pushing past the crashes, remembering to just keep moving forward. To the person I submitted to, I’m not sure you would ever see this, but I want to sincerely thank you. You gave me the chance I’ve been needing, and therefore also more fuel to push on. Thank you.
That’s it for me for now. If you want to read the piece on Thought Catalog, click here. 😊
’til next time,