What I needed to do.

TBV - WhatINeededToDoLet me preface this by saying that a large part of this was written when I was struggling with this decision a few months ago. I didn’t know whether publishing it would help me, but it turns out that just letting my feelings out helped me a lot. I’m putting this up now, edited and added onto, because my story wouldn’t be complete if this important part was left out. At the same time, perhaps someone will read this, relate to it, and find that difficult decisions like these need to be made, and there is nothing wrong with following your heart. Here we go.

For a while, I was feeling lost and dejected, and the monologue in my head began to say, over and over, that I wasn’t doing anything with my life. I had bouts of random break downs, as well as times that I found myself spaced out and staring at the ceiling. I felt lost, and alone, and wanted so desperately for things to turn around. Or something.

I decided to do something kind of drastic, something to shake up where my life was going. As the plan unfolded, I found that that decision hurt someone important to me more than I thought it would. Just to clarify, the decision wasn’t something permanent. I really just wanted, and needed, to take control of something in my life, just me with no one really intervening.

Nonetheless, this person was hurt. And I felt bad, and still do feel bad that this person was hurt. There’s something deep inside me pulled me down because I knew that this was the case. The thing was though, I really felt that this was something that I needed to do. I had this sinking feeling that if I didn’t push through with this plan, I would stay stuck in the rut I was in and wouldn’t be able to move forward.

I decided to go back to Manila to get a little more experience and to find myself. Cliche as that line is, I think that right now this is where I need to be to get a better grasp of what I can do and where I can go. This is just something I needed to do to grow and grow up. So yeah. Things will be okay.

’til next time,

🐰❤️

You are more than your resume.

TBV - YouAreMoreI’m not sure about you, but I grew up being worried about how my decisions and actions in school would affect my future. I was always wary of what I could put in my resume and how things I participated in would help me. That said though, I think I have to disclose that I didn’t do everything just because it would be “beneficial” to me, nor did I skip out on things just because it technically wouldn’t.

Anyway, I think this was because of the illusion of the pedestal that excellence is put on, and in connection to that the more concrete things that tend to constitute excellence, especially in the educational setting–awards, classes, degrees, certificates, and the like. In this sense, your resume is your greatest trophy, a one page declaration of your concrete achievements.

This, unfortunately just made entering into the real world a bit more pressure-filled for me. As I was applying for jobs, I made sure that my resume was the best I could make it. I was more or less confident about the experiences that I wrote about. I was a fresh graduate and given that, I assumed that my resume would at least suffice for consideration. When I barely got any responses, I was crushed, and I started to think more and more that I didn’t amount to much.

I started to spiral into a loop of self-questioning and self-belittling. I was sinking pretty deep into a depressive state and I was just unsure of myself, my capabilities, and my worth. Then one day, I decided that enough was enough. I was talking to a few friends who helped me through this tough situation. I forced the negative thoughts away, and just reflected.

I realized that my worth is not defined by those things that I put on that piece of paper. There is so much more in this world to learn and experience, a lot of which will probably never end up on a resume. That doesn’t make those experiences irrelevant though, some of them might even be more substantial than a previous job or certification.

I realized that, yes, I needed to start to stand on my own two feet. Yes I needed to get a job, which I would only be considered for if employers are impressed by my resume. This is not meant to set aside the importance of this document. It’s really more about what we are beyond this piece of paper and the words written there. We dictate what’s written, but the reverse is not true.

This was the realization that I needed to get out of my funk. My mistake was focusing too much on the approval of complete strangers and thereby letting their feedback, or lack thereof, stick to me like super glue. I should have focused on putting my best foot forward looking for a job, whilst still remembering that that’s not all that I’m about. Since then, this has been my constant reminder to myself: Those things are not anything against you. It does not diminish your worth at all. Just keep going. You’ll find something soon.

I decided to put this here as a reminder to myself, as well as whoever is reading this. If you ever feel like you’re in the position I was in, perhaps this could serve as a little nudge. You are worth so much more than you think you are, and you’re strong enough to push forward. So yeah. That’s it from me right now. 😄

’til next time,

🐰❤️

Busy bee.

TBV - BusyBeeHi! I know I’ve been MIA for a while now. I thought I’d drop by and fill you in a bit. It’s been a pretty busy couple of weeks. 😳 I got sick straight after I landed in Chicago, that lasted about a week. On top of that, I also had to start getting ready for my trip home to Manila, which included packing and buying things to bring home to family and friends. After that was my actual flight, and the bit of readjustment that comes with travelling about halfway across the world. 😔

I have a long list of posts that I can’t wait to share with you. I know I’ve been idle recently, but I’m readjusting and working to get back on track. I’ll be back as soon as I can, with the Cali gallery posts, and then a bunch more after that, and I’m excited for things to get back to how they were. For now though, thank you for your patience. I appreciate every single one of you. I’ll be back soon! 😊

’til next time,

🐰❤️

Cali galleries: Introduction.

TBV - CGIntroductionHey! 😄 So, the past two weeks for me have been spent in California, visiting family and friends. Initially, I planned to write one post about Disneyland and another about the rest of the trip. While here though, I realized that the number of places I ended up going to, if put together in just one post, would make for a very long one indeed. 😳

Instead, I decided to do this: in the next days I will put up the photos I’ve taken throughout this trip, a bunch at a time. Most of them will be the exhibits, plants, and views that I’ve seen. They will be accompanied by some information on the setting of the shots, and other things. 😊

I want to share with you the memories from these amazing two weeks, and possibly give you ideas of where to go if ever you find yourself in this part of the world. 😆 I hope these galleries will achieve this through these galleries, and I thank you in advance for checking them out. ☺️

’til next time,

🐰❤️

P.S. – I’ll be updating this as the posts come. Links will be below 😄

West coasting.

TBV - WestCoastingThis isn’t going to be a long post, kind of just a mini update, but I’m really excited so let’s see how this goes. 😅

I’m going to California! 😄 I’m going to be flying out early this week, and will be out there for about 2 weeks. I’m gonna be meeting up with one of my friends, going to Disneyland for the first time, and will be spending some time with our relatives, some of which are also flying in from other states. 😳

I’ve been so excited for this trip, I was already half packed since last week. 😆 Right now I can say I’m pretty much good to go, just a few days before the flight. The next two weeks are going to be kind of hectic, but I’m going to document this trip as best as I can. I can’t wait to get out, explore, and eventually share this experience too! 😄

’til next time,

🐰❤️

Golden day.

TBV - GoldenDaySo the other week, I wrote about a recent short trip to the city, and I said that the reason for that drive was a family friend’s birthday celebration. I thought to write this post and talk about that day in a way that doesn’t reveal too much, but keeps the sweetness of that day and his gesture. 😊

About a month ago, we received an invite in the mail. At the back of it it said something along the lines of the birthday girl doesn’t know about it so shhhh, and I got all giddy seeing these words on there. I love gestures of love, and even more so when I see it from those who are significantly older than me. I think seeing love that doesn’t seem to fade is just absolutely lovely. The event was held in a fancy Italian restaurant in Chicago, and I thought it was just a lunch with them and their family and friends. It turned out to be much more than that. 😊

Since we don’t go into the city often, we wanted to get there earlier than we were supposed to be to look for parking. We ended up being about 10 minutes earlier than the time indicated on the invite and were, at least I think so, the second “group” (my mom had work so it was just my stepdad and myself) to arrive. I decided to step outside to take in where we were for a bit and took a photo or two. 😄

When I went back inside, a group of people had just arrived and started setting the place up. So we were in one of the banquet halls of this restaurant, where there were round tables that all-in-all seated over 100 people. I saw this group of people bring in balloons and collages, and vases with small flowers inside it. One of them said to put one tall and one shorter vase on each table, fill them with water, and light a small candle to float in each one. Already on the tables were purple and yellow star balloons. In the front of the room, they hung gold balloons that said “50”, and beneath it they put two collages, a cake, and a bunch of cupcakes. This was the center table and beside it was the gift table. 😊

A little later on, people started flowing in, and I sat in our table, watching as things unfolded. People took their seats and caught up with their friends and colleagues, the DJ started playing music (at times a bit too loudly), and then, just like that, we were being asked to be quiet because the birthday girl was arriving. ☺️

I was at the back of the room so I couldn’t clearly see her entrance, but I heard her yell “Oh my God!” when the door opened, and then music started playing. They, herself, her husband, and their kids, then made their rounds around the place, going from table to table to greet the guests. I watched them whenever I could, and I saw her wiping tears, laughing, and hugging her family. As it turns out, her husband flew their relatives from all over the US just to be there for her on her birthday. ☺️

So the event itself unfolded, and it was like a mixture of a debut and a wedding. I found it weird at times, but it added to the wonder and the aww! factor of the day. The food, as I expected, was really good too. 😆

This happened about two weeks ago, but I find myself smiling as I recall the events of that afternoon. It’s love manifested in a world where hatred seems to be everywhere. It’s evidence that love can last years and years, and that age need not restrict extravagant romantic gestures. As the program unfolded, I saw her smile from ear to ear, and the occasional tear wipe, and I saw him walk around, also seemingly emotional and at the same time relieved and proud that he pulled it off. 😊

I’m sure I’ll encounter these types of things again, and I very much look forward to it. These are like fairy tales that come to life right in front of me, and I love seeing how love shows itself in a world steeped in hatred. This isn’t the whole story of that afternoon, but I hope this excerpt shows even just a glimmer of the wonder of that day. ❤️

’til next time,

🐰❤️

Hearts day.

tbv-loveheartsHappy Valentines Day! ❤ The time has come where going out means seeing hearts everywhere, as well as the colors red, pink, and white. It’s that time of the year when Chocolatiers and Flower Shops have the biggest sales, people shower their significant others with gifts, and the world is overrun by romance and borderline cheesiness. 😊

I honestly love seeing those sweet gestures that people do, it’s probably because deep down I’m a cheesy romantic. I spent the morning scrolling through Instagram and looking at the posts of people back in Manila. As my day began, theirs was coming to a close, and I liked seeing what people were up to. 😊

This day for the past few years for me have been riddled with schoolwork and stress, but I guess it’s been okay. This year though, it feels just a bit more unusual, because I’m spending it halfway across the world from those that I would spend it with, and half a day behind. 😔

As sad and sort of lonely it kind of is though, I did and continue to do my best to not let distance and time pull me away from those who are important to me. A good thing about the modern era is we’re able to keep in touch with voice and video calls. Admittedly, it’s not the same, but it does enough given the situation. 😊

Some people say that there shouldn’t need to be one special day for love, and that everyday should be Valentine’s day. I think it can be both. Each day gives a person a chance to express his or her love for the person they care about. Valentine’s day though, kind of like anniversaries, can give them the push to go all out and make it special. I think this is extra sweet. So let’s let love reign. 😊

Whether you spent the day out and about or just at home, I hope you had a great day spent with those you hold close to your heart. Let me know what you’ve I’d love to hear your Valentine stories. Again, Happy Valentine’s Day! ❤ 😊

’til next time,

🐰❤️